Grief, a natural human emotion that touches everyone at some point, is the body’s response to loss. It’s often perceived as “stages of grief,” and while challenging, navigating these emotional waters is necessary for healing and growth.
Understanding the stages of grief should not be misconstrued as a rigid, sequential process. Each individual experiences and processes grief differently, meaning the grieving journey is fluid.
Some may only experience a few stages, some may experience none, and some may cycle back to one at any given point. In other words, your grief experience (or lack thereof) doesn’t have to fit into any predetermined framework to be valid.
Commonly Recognized Stages of Grief
While everyone grieves differently, mental health professionals often see similarities in emotional reactions to grief. Learning these can be a way to process those difficult feelings. About 50 years ago, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, developed a framework describing this grieving pattern – now referred to as the “5 Stages of Grief.”
Denial
Think of denial as a protective shield, momentarily buffering the initial shock. Imagine, for instance, receiving news of a loved one’s passing. This phase might involve questioning the news’ validity or holding onto a sliver of hope for a different outcome. Denial helps us gradually confront reality.
Anger
Anger, a common defense mechanism after loss, can feel very intense. It’s crucial to allow yourself to experience anger without judgment, but it can feel harder to process because, for many, it’s an uncomfortable emotion to confront. This intense reaction signifies the depth of the connection to what was lost.
This phase may manifest in various forms – directed towards oneself, others, or even a higher power. Feeling angry is a natural response to loss; however, if this anger becomes overwhelming, seeking help from a mental health professional can provide healthy coping mechanisms.
Bargaining
In a desire for normalcy or to regain control, those grieving may find themselves immersed in “what if” or “if only” scenarios. Imagine someone pleading for a second chance after a significant relationship ends or clinging to the hope of a miracle cure after a terminal illness.
They might start promising something to a higher power in exchange for a different outcome. These behaviors symbolize our innate longing to change what is unchangeable.
Depression
During this phase, the overwhelming weight of loss sets in fully, leading to profound sadness and a sense of hopelessness. You might experience fatigue and loss of motivation for activities that were once enjoyed. These responses, although challenging, demonstrate the processing and internalization of the loss.
Acceptance
Many times people believe that reaching the acceptance stage of grief means they are okay with what has happened, but that isn’t necessarily true. It simply means that they’ve learned to acknowledge the loss as their new reality.
The transition into this phase doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing the loss. Rather, it reflects a place of adapting to the “new normal” and finding ways to move forward.
Beyond The Five Stages: Grief Isn’t Linear
As groundbreaking as Kübler-Ross’s initial model of the stages of grief was, we’ve come to better understand that it’s not an all-inclusive process for every individual. Many will skip stages or even find themselves experiencing several simultaneously. The important takeaway here is there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to grieve; individual experiences vary.
Grief expert David Kessler expands the discussion by suggesting there is a potential 6th stage: making meaning of the loss. This goes beyond just coming to terms with what happened.
This sixth stage is more about processing the “why” and finding some sort of positive perspective on the events. This isn’t always about “finding a silver lining”, but more about acknowledging the new perspective that is gained from navigating such complex feelings.
The Unpredictable Nature of the Grieving Timeline
While most experience the more intense waves of grieving within the first year or two following a loss, research has revealed there are actually various types of grief. For example, symptoms of grief largely diminish after one to two years but can often resurface later, sometimes many years after the initial loss. Trigger events can be anything from anniversaries of significant dates or holidays, encountering familiar places or sights, or even seemingly unrelated situations that unexpectedly stir buried emotions.
It’s common for these situations to evoke a temporary resurgence of earlier grief stages, such as denial, anger, or sadness. Additionally, for some individuals, these resurfacing waves may signify deeper, unresolved issues stemming from past losses.
In those situations, professional guidance from mental health professionals can provide support. Therapy offers coping mechanisms and personalized strategies for healing and moving forward.
When Grief Lingers: Understanding Prolonged Grief
The grieving process differs from person to person, making it hard to say how long any given person will be processing their grief. Typically, after the first year or two, symptoms lessen, but sometimes this is not the case.
Grief lasting longer than the “typical” grieving time doesn’t equate to weakness or failure. It simply means that the individual may need specialized support in navigating their emotions and finding peace.
Thankfully, today, the DSM-5-TR officially recognizes prolonged grief disorder as a distinct mental health disorder, ensuring that people struggling with it can get specific, tailored treatment. While normal grief reactions fade over time, prolonged grief maintains a debilitating grip on one’s life.
Support through grief counseling, therapy groups, or support networks often offers tools for managing grief in healthier ways. This can be an essential resource in helping someone live with the loss, finding meaning in the situation, and honoring the memory of what was lost.
Seeking Help For Mental Health is Vital
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, grappling with the emotional upheaval of a divorce, processing changes to a longstanding career, or processing an upsetting medical diagnosis, these life changes trigger an outpouring of complex emotions that you shouldn’t have to navigate alone.
Reaching out for mental health help for yourself or a loved one can give you tools, guidance, and strategies that specifically meet your (or your loved one’s) individual needs and help navigate the stages of grief. There is no need to suffer alone.
If you find yourself, a friend, or a family member contemplating self-harm, call a crisis hotline, such as the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. There are also group therapy or support groups and even online support groups designed to provide additional help in processing grief.
Support and Resources
Many times the first step toward helping a loved one is knowing where to start. One important tip is to remember not everyone going through the grieving process wants advice.
The best support is often a listening ear. In addition to individual therapy options like DBT therapy, support through group counseling and specialized groups is available for virtually any loss, with options ranging from grief counseling to therapy groups.
If you don’t have health insurance, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can offer resources.
Navigating the stages of grief can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Contact the Counseling Center Group for compassionate support and guidance.
The experience of navigating the stages of grief is unique for everyone. Remembering that grief doesn’t adhere to a timeline and manifests differently in each person is an important factor.
It’s not about forgetting; it’s about adapting and integrating the loss into life in a healthy, sustainable manner.
If you’re finding it difficult to move through the stages of grief, contact the Counseling Center Group for compassionate guidance and support during this challenging time.
